Well, its' been quite a road trying to adjust to having a second ear on my head. At first, I just was all about seeing the ear up close, and now I'm trying to get used to how it looks on my head. It makes me very excited and I LOVE it, but sometimes it seems weird and 'wrong' to have an ear over there and I don't feel very comfortable with it. Last night, I was looking at some of my pre-surgery pictures and couldn't really believe my reaction. I saw a side view of my head where you could barely see the microtia ear, and I was shocked and really confused for a moment as to why there was 'nothing' on the side of my head! Having that thought kind of freaked me out, not gonna lie, BUT it does make me realize that I think I made the right decision!
I actually was a little shocked at my reaction to my microtia ear. I've been really trying to adjust to having an ear, so I guess I was trying not to think about the pre-surgery look. At that point, I was REALLY thankful that I had done the photo shoot before this surgery. I was able to go back and look at those photos, which was nice since they showed off my little ear. Those don't bother me as much as the photos of the side of my head on a 'normal' day. It was amazing that in some pictures there really was no sign of an ear. However, my hair was cut around like for an ear, which was kind of weird to see.
The emotions I felt while looking at pre and post surgery pictures helped me feel more secure in my decision. I can't lie, there were moments as the swelling came down where I looked in a mirror and really thought it was so weird it was almost 'ugly' to have an ear there. I knew that that was more just shock from basically going from no ear to an ear overnight, and that's why I've been trying to normalize the look for myself by looking in the mirror a lot. However, having those thoughts did make me reconsider my decision momentarily. So I can't say how relieving it was to have the experience last night of looking at pre-surgery photos.
I'm VERY happy with my ear. From straight on, it already pretty much looks amazing and matches my other ear. Sometimes I get scared that it's never going to look any different or show definition more than 'right now'. But everyday I see changes, and realistically I know it will be a long time until all the swelling is gone. And that also makes me happy. If I'm pleased with the results now...I can't imagine how I will feel once all the swelling is gone. I have to say, that after my experience last night, I think I'd rather have an ear that looks like my current healing ear, than my microtia ear most days of the week. That's how I feel, which doesn't really make sense to me, but that's what I feel.
So, to those of you who have experience with ear reconstruction, or are looking into it in the future. Let this post show that there will most likely be times where you or your child regret the decision. But, as long as you keep your expectations in check and remind yourself of why you did this, and what the end goal is. I can't tell you how many times I've had to do all these things because I started to panic a bit. Everyone is going to have a different experience, but I bet most people experience these feelings at least to some level, so I wanted to share my experience with them and what worked for me.
As far as emotions go, I also have noticed that I'm still having big mood swings. Not so much moods, as just one day I will feel like crying because I'm so happy, and others I want to cry because something's upsetting. I have done quite a bit of googling on the emotional impact of plastic surgery. It's nice to know these swings I'm having are actually common after surgery. My emotional experience following surgery is all within the normal expectations after surgery. So, for those of you who may be parents of a child going through surgery, be aware that your child may also have some of these feelings. I'm not sure how it differs in children, and it probably depends on how old they are, but just be aware of what my be going on for them emotionally. It's tolling sometimes. I would recommend just working with them to get used to their new ear (and as I found out today, looking at pictures of the pre-surgery ear) in whatever way you think would help them best.
No pictures right now...I like to get some during the day before posting because the swelling always goes down during the day and the progress will be more obvious later in the day. I will also meet with Dr. Griffiths for the last time in a few hours. It's going to be weird to go home and not see him, his office staff, and all the other wonderful people I get to see and hang out with out here. I can't wait to save up and make a trip back out here!
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